Although retailers have had a whopping 27 years to plan stocks since the last solar eclipse in 1999, consumers are finding it near impossible to source solar eclipse viewing glasses.

We spoke to Johnathon Ronkswood today, who spoke of his frustration having spent hours of his semi-precious life trying to get hold of a pair of this specialist eyewear ahead of the solar eclipse tomorrow on 12th August:

“I’ve gone out today and I’ve tried Boots. I’ve been to the opticians in there, and the other counters. They said they haven’t got any in and to try SpecSavers, Superdrug, WH Smith, or B&M Home Bargains. I went into SpecSavers, and they said to try Boots, Superdrug, WH Smith, or B&M Home Bargains. You can see where this is going, can’t you?”

We asked pensioner Albert Cont for his opinion, and his response was simply, “Small boats”, before hacking up some phlegm, and tightening the cord on a St George’s flag tied to a nearby lamppost.

Cindy Laupmower had ordered some solar eclipse viewing glasses (ISO 12312-2 & CE Certified) from Amazon, though they are due to arrive on Thursday, a day after the eclipse. “It’s just one of them things, isn’t it? I’m looking on the bright side though. We can give them to the kids so they’re ahead of the game for the next one in 2090.”

There are safe ways of viewing tomorrow’s major planetary action without solar eclipse viewing glasses, like something with a colander, a tree, or a pin hole camera, but most people have accepted that this is a bit shit. So it’s anticipated that everyone is just going to get drunk and chance it, staring directly at the sun for the whole duration.

We approached the Royal National Institute of Blind People for comment, and they have warned that with a shortage of solar eclipse viewing glasses that there’s an 100% chance that the entire UK population will awake on the morning on Thursday 13th August with their retinas burned to a crisp, blind as bats.

We leave you with just one question, which you can answer in the comments by returning to Facebook:

HOWM AH GONNA GET HOLD OF THESE TING?